Unreliably Witnessed

Have you been pondering making the upgrade to Internet Explorer 8? No, of course you haven’t, because you’re a sensible Firefox user. But if you were considering it and needed that final push, what would no doubt send you over the edge get you downloading is an endorsement from Dolly Parton. Yes, you heard - Dolly Parton.

In this bizarre video, endorsed by Microsoft, she jokes about being a “huge computer lover”, and then tells us that she “almost said that with a straight face”. Which is quite true, because after so many cosmetic operations she’s clearly got no other choice but to keep the same straight expression. Smile too broadly, and her tightly-stretched skin and elongated mouth would undoubtedly split in two.

But why - why oh why oh why - is Dolly so keen for you to experience the technological joy of IE8? Well, because only with Microsoft’s latest browser can you check out a new feature on her official site that utilises “web slices”. Or “wayb slaaahces”, as she pronounces it. Wow. I’m sorely tempted. If only I knew (or indeed cared) what “wayb slaaahces” were - sadly, I won’t be finding out much from Dolly, because she clearly has no earthly idea either. Indeed, she acts like she’s been told only a minute before the video started recording that she actually has a website.

Coming soon: Billy Ray Cyrus on why you need to upgrade to the latest version of Firefox in order to watch the Achey Breaky Video Megamix on his official country ‘n’ western web portal. Yee-haw.

[The internet has gone mad. Official.]

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Black Box Recorder: Child Psychology - “Life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it”. More genius from the scabrous lyrical pen of Luke Haines.

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